Though it’s not something I talk about much, I decided to try out life without alcohol back in 2020. At the time, the idea seemed kind of crazy and radical. My partner and I were in our 20s, living in New York City, and working corporate jobs. Alcohol was a big part of socializing with friends, colleagues, and each other. Plus, looking back, I definitely relied on alcohol to regulate myself through stressful times.
Yet, the world was changing quickly and I knew that I wanted to take this time to create sustained changes in my own life. I knew that certain “crutches” like drinking allowed me to quiet certain painful emotions and dissatisfactions in my life, but that I really didn’t want to keep doing that forever.
Five years later, quitting for good has been the best decision of my life. While the first year was challenging, I truly have not looked back for a second. I’ve gotten to know myself so deeply and I never want or crave moments that take me away from me.
I acknowledge this journey is a personal choice and not for everyone. Yet, I know it’s one that many people consider. I am going to share a little bit about what my experience has been like and some tips for making the most of sobriety and soaking up the benefits of an alcohol-free lifestyle.
Life Without Alcohol
One of the reasons why I stopped drinking alcohol was that things were not going particularly well in my life. I was still stuck in a job that I had wanted to leave for about four years. Many of my friendships lacked the depth that made me feel supported and seen in the ways I wanted to. My relationships were a mess.
Basically, I knew that I was unhappy and unfulfilled in a lot of ways. Alcohol was the primary way I dealt with being unhappy. Yet, I started to notice that it was also what was keeping me stuck in useless loops (anxious about work, have a drink to relax, post-alcohol anxiety sets in, rinse and repeat).
Quick story. I stopped drinking on March 1, 2020. The world shut down a couple weeks later. The lockdown actually made it a lot easier to create and practice new habits without the pressure of meeting for drinks after work and figuring out excuses when people bothered me about deciding not to. Weirdly, being in our own bubble on the Upper East Side took the pressure off in the early days.
That summer, I attended a bridal shower for a friend- part of a friend group I had already begun drifting away from and wasn’t really feeling great about myself around. The shower was followed by a dinner, and everyone was drinking. I started getting uncomfortable so I figured I’d order a glass of wine. As soon as I took one sip, I knew I did not want any more. Suddenly it became clear- what I wanted was to exit the situation, not my own body. I had been confusing those concepts for my entire life.
Benefits of Going Alcohol Free
I learned quickly that realizing I did not want to be in situations anymore was a good thing. I had not noticed that kind of information during my drinking days, because the first sign of discomfort or feeling like I wasn’t fitting in, I’d grab a drink. Now, instead of numbing my body as a way to cope, I simply choose not to be in spaces or situations where I’m not comfortable (where possible, of course).
The benefits of a life without alcohol, compared a life with excessive alcohol use, are endless. Here are some of the shifts that have mattered the most.
Physical Benefits
- Deeper and more consistent sleep cycles. Since alcohol is a depressant, it actually shuts down some of the restoration processes that are meant to happen when you’re asleep that make you feel rested the next day
- More energy and better health. Alcohol takes 3-4 days to metabolize in the body. Even if you only drink twice a week, the detox processes of your body are always focused on cleaning out the methanol. When you take the alcohol away, you give your body a much needed break
- Confidence. I hesitate to even mention this one, but I have struggled with body image issues my entire life. When I stopped using alcohol to disconnect from my body, my relationship with my body started to heal (also through things like yoga and meditation). Plus, without even trying I noticed that weight fell off and my skin cleared up
Emotional and Mental Benefits
- Greater self understanding. When I was using alcohol, I was completely out of touch with the emotions I experience and how my body metabolizes them
- Emotional relief. Instead of getting stuck in cycles of using alcohol to numb, then feeling temporarily better followed by even more anxiety that caused me to drink even more (on and on we go), I learned how to process emotions properly
- Better focus, less brain fog. I actually feel more motivated to learn and engage with new concepts, knowing I am always fully present
Relationships
- Less conflict. My partner and I hardly ever “fight” anymore. When we do face conflict, we acknowledge our emotions instead of running from them. We send each other clear messages about what’s going on, deal with what we need to, and move on
- More authentic. I don’t hold onto relationships anymore because that friend is “fun to go out with.” The relationships I put energy and time into maintaining hold deep love and value
Tips for Taking A Break From Alcohol
First, I would give anyone who is even thinking about making a change like this a ton of credit. Taking a moment to stop and evaluate what is working for you in your life- and what’s not- takes intention and courage.
Deciding to make a change is scary. Change is loss of the familiar. Familiar strategies of coping with stress, expressing joy, and of connecting with others.
Transformations that are “worth it” tend to be difficult. Here are some tips that helped me in my early days living alcohol free.
Set Your Intention
Making a big change requires hard work. To stay committed, define your “why”. Figure out why you are doing this- what you have to gain from a journey of sobriety, and what you have to lose from continuing to suppress with alcohol. Choose reasons that matter to you. When things get tough, you need to give your brain a reason to come back. This is your “why”.
Also, know that things might get harder before they get easier. That’s because you are removing a coping mechanism you once relied on, and a bunch of emotions might rise up. This may be uncomfortable, but it does not mean you are doing anything wrong- it’s part of the process.
Find Other Coping Strategies
Typically, alcohol is not the problem. It is a solution to a problem, which then creates its own set of issues down the road.
Here’s what I mean. Using alcohol is ultimately a strategy for regulating emotions like overwhelm, anxiety, and depression. And in the short term, it can work really well! Long term, however, the substance will prevent emotions from processing and stress will get stuck in the body. Not to mention the adverse effects of alcohol itself.
When you quit a coping strategy, you have to make sure you replace it with another one. Stress carries physiological impacts, and it’s crucial to implement coping skills to release these chemicals. Here are some options:
- Run / jog/ exercise
- Yoga
- Breath work
- Meditation
- Social connections
- Journal
- Therapy
Create New Habits
Here, I’m thinking about the concept of “habit stacking”. Often, behaviors like drinking are connected to other non-problematic we want to keep. For example, for me, cooking dinner used to always be paired with having a glass of wine. You also might associated a football game with a beer, for instance.
Break those associations by creating new habits so that you can keep what’s working for you and let go of what isn’t. In my example, I started to exercise before cooking dinner and pairing my cooking with music. This way, cooking is still paired with other stress relieving skills and I am less inclined to have an alcohol craving out of old habits.
Community
For me, a deep desire to belong is part of what led me to drink in the first place. Sobriety can be isolating if you aren’t surrounded by people who support this journey.
Make sure to find at least one person that you can connect with when this journey gets hard. Having people that support you and want this growth for you is super important. This could look like a therapist, friends, family members, or even a 12-step program or other therapeutic group.
Community through books and fiction can help as well. Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker was a huge source of support in my early days of quitting.
Get Curious
As I mentioned, alcohol is usually not the underlying, root-cause problem. So what is?
Get curious about what led to patterns of drinking. What were the conditions that led to drinking? What problem did drinking solve? In what ways was alcohol effective in solving those problems?
Having some clarity on these areas will allow you to understand yourself more deeply. It will also help you identify when you may be vulnerable in the future and how you can set yourself up with other coping strategies so you are less likely to turn for the substance.
Change External Factors If You Need To
As much as we want to take responsibility for managing what’s happening inside of us, the reality is, sometimes that is not enough.
You may notice that there are relationships, jobs, or other factors that continue to get in the way of you making the changes that are the best for you. Be honest with yourself if you notice this happening, and allow yourself the space to explore whether changing your situation might be necessary.
Adjust Your Mindset
Don’t freak yourself out. When it comes to sobriety, there is way to much “always” and “never” language that can make the journey feel impossible and overwhelming.
Instead of thinking about “forever” or “never again”, keep yourself right here, right now. Take things one day and one moment of a time. Over time, it all gets less overwhelming. By about a year in, I was not thinking about alcohol at all anymore.
Remember, change always comes with both loss and gains. See if instead of focusing on the not-drinking, you can keep your mind excited about all you have to gain in self discovery.
Be Patient With Yourself
Everyone’s journey is different. Try to look inside more than outside, and give yourself some grace if change does not happen perfectly.
Have you considered cutting back or quitting alcohol? Whether that’s no alcohol for a year or just how to stop drinking as much alcohol, I’d love to hear in the comments!
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