Your inner critic: we all have that voice. The one that tells you you’re not doing enough. That you said the wrong thing. That you’re falling behind, messing up, or somehow not quite measuring up. That you could never be good enough, so don’t even try.
Sometimes it’s a whisper. Other times, it’s a full-on internal monologue that follows you through your day. Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach that takes you from taking the risks you know would fill your life with fulfillment and meaning.
For many of us, this inner critic feels like the truth. But what if it’s not? What if that voice isn’t trying to tear you down, but actually trying to protect you?
Your Inner Critic
Your brain’s number one job is to keep you safe and alive. Not happy, not fulfilled. Alive.
And to do that, it scans for anything that might resemble past danger. Often, it defines “safe” not by what’s objectively healthy, but by what’s familiar. Likewise, it defines dangerous by anything that made you feel vulnerable or threatened in the past.
If you’ve learned that criticism helps you avoid embarrassment, rejection, or failure, then a critical inner voice becomes a kind of internal armor. It tries to keep you in line, devoid of risks, out of trouble, and away from anything that might lead to vulnerability, struggle, and change.
That voice doesn’t show up randomly. It developed in response to something- an experience, a message, a pattern- that shaped how you learned to protect yourself.
And even if the voice of that inner critic is harsh, it’s usually trying to prevent you from reliving an old wound or traumatic experience.
The Inner Critic Is Often a Protective Part
In Internal Family Systems therapy, we often explore how different “parts” of us hold specific roles. One part might be the achiever. Another might be the avoider.
The inner critic? That’s often the part trying to make sure you don’t fail, disappoint, or get hurt.
It might say things like:
- “You should’ve known better.”
- “Why can’t you get it together?”
- “If you mess this up, everyone will see.”
- “You’ll never succeed at this, so don’t even bother trying.”
- “It will be so embarrassing when you fail, so just give up now.”
It can sound cruel. But when you slow down and really listen, the critic is often a scared part: doing what it learned to do to keep you from pain.
Naming this can help you shift from shame and self-hate to understanding and compassion for the part of you that becomes fearful of change.
Listening Without Collapsing
Understanding your inner critic doesn’t mean agreeing with it.
It means getting curious instead of reactive. You might ask:
- What is this voice trying to protect me from?
- When did I first start hearing this?
- What does this part think would happen if it went silent?
- Have I ever been in a situation like this before and wound up hurt?
You don’t have to silence the critic- in fact, that will never work. Silencing voices tends to make them louder.
Instead, you can learn to be in relationship with it. To acknowledge its fears and thank it for trying, without letting it take the wheel.
You Are More Than That Voice
The goal isn’t to erase the inner critic. It’s to reconnect with the part of you that knows you are already enough- no matter the outcome of the current situation. Potential failures do not make you unsafe, and risks are always needed to grow.
This is the work of building a more compassionate inner world. One where your protective parts don’t have to work so hard because there’s a steady, grounded self leading the way.
If you’ve spent years believing the inner critic was just your voice of “reason,” you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. You’re carrying strategies that once made sense, but you don’t have to keep carrying them forever.
If you’re interested in IFS therapy to more deeply get to know these parts, feel free to reach out to inquire about availability and current offerings.
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