Whether you’re dealing with romantic partners, family members, friends, or work colleagues, having your relationships appropriately boundaried will help them stay healthy over time.
Boundaries are the guidelines that we establish for how we want to be treated, share information, and interact with others. These are personal in that each person decides boundaries for their own participation in relationships. Boundaries are not about controlling other people’s actions.
While boundaries are essential, they are an often-neglected aspect of relationships. No matter what kind of relationship you are in- personal or professional, new or established- setting healthy boundaries is crucial.
There are different types of boundaries in relationships that you can set, and different ways of setting them. We’re going to share a round-up of healthy boundaries that you can implement to improve your relationships.
15 Examples Of Healthy Boundaries In A Relationship
Boundaries are sort of like invisible lines of a fence in between us and other individuals we are in relationship with. The boundaries help us understand what is okay and not okay for the other person and guide how we treat one another.
Are Boundaries Healthy In A Relationship?
Yes! Boundaries are one of the most important healthy relationship characteristics.
When we have solid yet flexible relationship boundaries, we know how to respect ourselves and others in our lives. This leads to longer-lasting relationships.
Some benefits of healthy boundaries are:
- Create a platform for mutual respect
- Improve communication patterns
- Foster greater trust
- Prevent burnout from conflict and misunderstandings
- Improved individual mental health (less stress and anxiety)
The key is to identify boundaries that allow you to feel respected as an individual within the dynamic. Hold those boundaries firmly when necessary, but be open to flexibility if it seems appropriate.
What Are Some Healthy Boundaries In A Relationship?
Emotional Boundaries
Respect emotions when communicated between partners. When one partner shares a vulnerable emotion, do not invalidate this emotion (e.g., “you’re being irrational, this is not sad) or use this emotion against them in a manipulative way in the future. Show emotional support for one another.
Physical Boundaries
Physical touch should always be paired with consent. Every partner’s preferences for personal space and limits should be respected. To establish and respect these limits, simply ask first to ensure comfort levels (e.g., Can I give you a hug right now?).
Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries cover the sex itself and the frequency both partners are comfortable with. Direct communication and consistent consent are crucial. There are even studied links between communicated sexual satisfaction and overall relationship happiness.
Alone Time
Everyone needs personal time apart from a relationship to continue to stay in touch with their full self and maintain self care. Designate time for fulfillment on an individual level. Balance this time with the time you invest in the relationship.
Honesty
Trust is inherently vulnerable. As such, expectations of honesty in relationships is completely reasonable. This means expressing thoughts and feelings fully and openly. Honest communication allows for deeper understanding and less misunderstanding.
Saying No
We should all be able to decline ideas or activities that we don’t wish to participate in without guilt. In relationships, this means being able to set limits without the fear of being rejected as a result.
Financial Independence
Maintaining financial security for both individuals in a relationship with a romantic partner is crucial for the safety of both partners. Financial boundaries help to prevent conflicts over money. They also help work against power imbalances that can leave partners feeling stuck in relationships that are not healthy.
Family Interactions
Every family has its own unique culture and way of interacting. In close relationships, boundaries may need to be clearly set regarding the amount of time spent with families or in-laws, the content of discussion, and how family members are talked about between the couple.
Language
Conflict is inevitable. Yet, we must always be accountable to manage our own emotions and reactions. Agree that when conflicts arises, we will keep ourselves regulated and refrain from name calling or otherwise verbally abusive language.
Conflict Resolution
In addition to managing language, boundaries around conflict resolution strategies can be supportive to a relationship. This might mean that we do not speak when we are heated and we take time outs to come back when we are able to communicate effectively.
Avoid Assumptions
This is another emotional boundary that involves knowing your partner better. Clarify rather than assume your partner’s thoughts or intentions. For instance, “Can you explain what you meant? I want to be sure I understand.” A boundary around assumptions will prevent fruitless conflict.
Privacy
In the digital age, privacy means trusting partners enough to not snoop through emails and text messages. Having a sense of privacy that is respected actually increases trust in a relationship. Partners may also have pieces of past relationships they do not feel comfortable disclosing which can be another boundary.
Household Responsibilities
Fair and equitable division of labor in a house attribute to a healthy environment. With both partner’s contributing in their own way to running the aspects of home and life, they come together as a team. This can also prevent from resentment building in the future.
Parenting
Having a clear, predictable style of parenting is crucial for the health of children and of the family system overall. Setting boundaries to stick to agreed upon methods of parenting can help both parents to stay accountable to those strategies, even when things get hard.
Beliefs and Values
Respect of beliefs and values, including spiritual beliefs, is crucial. Even if partners differ in their beliefs, their ability to respect one another, and even to support them, is necessary for a healthy relationship. Avoid derogatory comments and support one another’s right to staying true to themselves.
Work Life Balance
Support each other’s goals and purpose outside of the home. Try to find balance in these endeavors so that spending time to focus on career is not seen as a rejection or neglect. For example, “I have a really busy work week ahead. Let’s carve out some time on Friday night to connect.”
How To Set Healthy Boundaries In A Relationship
Setting a boundary can feel intimidating. But setting healthy boundaries does not have to be cold or scary. For even more details and support setting boundaries, I recommend this book!
Identify Your Needs and Limits
Before you set a boundary, you first need to check in with yourself.
- What is my capacity right now?
- Can I engage in this? If so, what are my limits?
- What makes me feel respected in interactions with this person?
Communicate Directly
If you beat around the bush, your message is probably going to be missed. Instead, state clearly what your boundary. Share this clearly and directly with the other person.
For example, I would be happy to help you with this, but I only have 20 minutes to give you right now. Or, I need some alone time when I get home from work to decompress before we talk about our days.
Be Consistent
You have to reinforce your own boundaries for others to take them seriously. If the boundary is crossed, gently remind the person and reset. I know I mentioned I only had 20 minutes, so I have to go now. Let me know if we can figure out another way to work together another time.
Allow Flexibility
Your own boundaries may change over time. There is no need to follow rules just for the sake of following rules. Instead, continue to check in with yourself and your own core values in relationships. If your own needs shift, allow your boundaries to change as well.
Respect Other’s Boundaries
Relationships are a two way street. Stating your needs and putting boundaries in place can feel intimidating, but it’s actually for the health of the relationship overall.
For those boundaries to be functional, they must be respected both ways. If we want others to respect our boundaries, we have to be ready to respect and adjust to theirs too. Having healthy boundaries is one of the qualities of a healthy relationship.
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