The early phases of dating can feel unique and exciting as you get the opportunity to learn about someone before deciding if you want to jump into a relationship with each other.
Yet, for some people, going on dates, starting conversation, and keeping the vibes feeling interesting and fresh can also be nerve-wracking. So today, I’m going to share a round up of the best questions to ask when dating someone you just met.
15 Best Questions To Ask When Dating
Getting to know someone in the dating phase is your chance to learn about their values, their interests, and your compatibility. If we neglect to get (or pay attention to) information during this phase about our own deal breakers, it can lead to heartbreak down the road when we’ve already developed feelings.
Asking the right questions can help make sure you are on the same page as a potential partner. There are never guarantees, but opening the door for the kinds of conversations you’d like to have in your relationship is a solid sign for hope. Plus, you’ll build a culture of curiosity and openness early on.
Why Asking The Right Questions Is Important When Dating
Learning about someone takes time and experience with one another. Yet, learning what you can at the beginning can set you up for more success and less disappointment.
Learn Their Values
Core values are the way that we want to live our lives. They typically inform the goals for our lives. Learning about a potential partner’s values can help you to understand whether you are on the same page about life goals like having children, traveling, careers, and more.
Understand Their History
Knowing about someone’s history and relationships will help you understand how they have learned to deal with conflict and how they bond with others. While people can change and adjust ineffective patterns. But, if a partner tells you that every relationship they’ve had has ended the same way and they’ve never been to therapy, you may want to be curious about how you’ll handle conflict together.
Identify Red Flags
Open conversation early on in a relationship can help to identify dating red flags. These potential red flags could include excessive jealousy, substance use, or close-mindedness. Red flags will indicate to you that the relationship may not have potential to develop into something healthy or serious.
Assess Compatibility
As you learn about someone’s values, goals, interests, and relationship patterns, you can evaluate whether you think you are compatible. Do you want the same things out of life? Would your resolution strategies complement or conflict with one another? The earlier you can answer these questions, the better.
What Are Good Questions To Ask When Dating?
Here are some conversation topics and meaningful questions to ask when dating someone new.
What do you like to do for fun?
Do they get excited to watch a tv show while you’ve got a bucket list of travel destinations? Make sure you enjoy some of the same things before you decide if you want to build a future together!
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Keeping the topics light hearted and hypothetical in the start can ease nerves. Plus, you can share experiences you’ve already had and a trip you’ve been dying to take.
What’s your dream job?
A dream job will reveal what lights this person up inside.
Who is your role model?
Role models will help you understand the qualities this person admires in others and who they strive to be.
What are your most important values?
An important quality in a partner is having goals and values. See whether those values (think things like family, career, trust, connection, etc.) align with your own.
Where do you see your life in ten years?
Do you want the same things out of life? Would it feel exciting for you to move in the direction they envision?
What role does family play in your life?
Many couples have different ideas about the role they’d like their own families to have in their shared life. Talk about this early.
Do you want children?
It’s tough to change your position about something this important. Make sure that you are on the same page about whether growing a family is important.
What are Your thoughts on marriage?
This is another topic that is difficult to compromise on. See where this person stands at the start.
Have You had a long term relationship?
Understand whether you are matching up with someone who has had established relationships or scars from the past. You may also ask whether they have ever been to therapy with a partner to assess their openness to learning and growth.
What have your past romantic relationships been like?
While coming out and asking someone their conflict resolution style is probably unnatural and a bit invasive. Instead, ask about how other relationships have gone and evaluate whether they talk about past partners with respect.
What is Your Attachment Style?
Major points if they know the answer! An attachment style helps to get to know tis person and how they deal with emotions on a deeper level. Their attachment style will help you understand how they deal with stress in relationships (read how to date an avoidant attachment style if you need more tips!).
What is Your love language?
Love languages are the ways that we naturally give and receive love. They include touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. This is a fun way to talk about what makes this person feel loved and how they show love.
What experiences from the past shape who you are now?
Get a sense of their story and their capacity for learning and growth.
Have you ever been to therapy?
Evaluate their openness to working on the relationship in a healthy way like relationship therapy if you’d need to in the future. Plus, understand whether they are showing up to the relationship in a healthy and solid place.
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