You are completely sure of the person you’ve chosen. You love each other, have fun, share compatible values, and are a natural fit. Yet, conflict pops up right as you’re ready to take the next step. So why the anxiety about getting married?
Feeling nervous to get married is completely normal. In fact, if you are experiencing anxiety of marriage, I’m guessing that you are taking the idea of marriage very seriously.
Sometimes fears of getting married pop up that have to do with old wounds (e.g., past relationships, the one we saw in our parents, etc.). These fears can result in us subconsciously pushing our partner away before we commit. You may be left confused and unsure of what these feelings mean.
Anxiety About Getting Married- Is It Normal?
Is it normal to feel nervous about getting married? Everyone’s experience in significant life transitions is different. Yet, studies show that 52% of people reported that getting married induced feelings of anxiety.
Plus, the decision to spend your life with a partner is a huge commitment. When you think about the ways your life will change, it’s completely normal to feel a big anxious.
What Causes Marriage Anxiety?
Marriage brings forth significant life changes. Even if you already were in a committed relationship, the ritual of marriage adds another layer of commitment, loyalty, and responsibility to your bond.
Some individuals experience anxiety about marriage due to a lack of positive examples. For instance, if you grew up seeing your parents engaging in high conflict that made you feel unsafe, your body might unconsciously associate marriage with fear.
Others may feel anxious about the idea of commitment. The idea of remaining in one relationship in the long-term is a vulnerable decision. Committing to a relationship in a legally binding way can be intimidating for some people.
Further, marriage is a huge change. Change represents unknown which can cause discomfort and fear.
Coping With Anxiety About Getting Married
Feelings of anxiety before marriage can be explored and managed. The worst thing you can do is ignore these feelings. Left unacknowledged, these fears may lead to destructive behaviors that sabotage the relationship so that you finally hear them.
Here are some ways to address and work through marriage nervousness and marriage anxiety.
Explore Your Worries
See if you can slow down and identify why you may be scared to get married.
Are you worried about how you’ll handle conflict? Does the idea of letting go of your independence worry you? Has change been difficult in your life?
Get curious about your own feelings. This is the first step in coping with them.
Share Fears With Partner
Once you become more clear on your own thoughts and feelings, share them with your partner. In a marriage, partners need to be able to share their emotions and needs with one another.
Hopefully, if you share your anxieties with your partner, you can comfort one another and take these fears into consideration.
For example, if you worry about losing your individual identity, you and your partner could speak about strategies to make sure you both continue individual interests after marriage.
Build Conflict Resolution Skills
Many people fear marriage due to the responsibility. However, all partners will hurt each other at some point. Conflict is essentially inevitable.
To gain confidence and reduce anxiety, determine how you will resolve conflict when it arises. A plan for communication will assure you that you and your partner have thought about ways to stay connected. Even during the challenging periods of your marriage.
Attend Therapy
A pre-marital counselor can help walk you and your partner through all of these steps.
In addition to helping you solidify an effective communication pattern, couples therapy before marriage can help dive deeper into fears and concerns.
Processing these emotions before marriage will help you make sure you get started on the right foot.
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