All of us deal with struggles and challenges on our own. When we do not manage those issues, it’s only normal that they start to impact our relationships. Unsettled issues can lead to stress, increased conflict, and even break ups or estrangement in our most important relationships (e.g. romantic partners, close friends, family members, and even work colleagues).
The opposite is true too! Relationship issues affect our own individual physical and mental health. Close relationships are our greatest resource in getting through the pain and challenges of life.
And when those relationships are not healthy, we can suffer in significant ways. Unhealthy relationships have been found to lead to lower immunity, decreased self esteem and confidence, and greater levels of anxiety and depression.
Today, I’m going to share a round up of therapy interventions to help guide you in dealing with relationship issues and keep your health on track.
7 Methods of Therapy for Relationship Issues
There are countless theories of how relationships change, and therefore methods of therapy, that are practiced in the field of counseling and relational psychotherapy. The landscape can feel overwhelming and confusing to navigate.
As a systems (I.e. relational) oriented therapist, I’m going to walk you through the therapist methods I most recommend for moving your relationship to the level of connection and peace you are looking for.
Does Every Relationship Have Issues?
Perfect relationships do not exist. We all have our own individual histories, traumas, and wounds that are bound to come into contact with our close relationships, especially under stress.
Plus, we are all constantly evolving, growing, and changing. While certain relationships may feel easy during some seasons, you may notice they require more work and attention during others.
As long as we are learning, growing, and breathing, we will always have to be paying attention to taking care of our most important relationships.
What Are The Most Common Relationship Issues?
As a relational therapist, these are some of the most common relationship issues my clients bring my way:
- Ineffective Communication– The same fights or conversations over and over again, without building awareness or solving problems together. Or, the inability to bring up issues that are bothering partners, that then begin to build up over time.
- Broken Trust– Trust impacted from significant betrayals that cause a lack of confidence in one another.
- Poor Emotional Regulation– Partners feel emotions intensely but do not have practices in place to soothe their own discomfort and identify their needs.
- Reactive Responses– Responding in the heat of the moment, voicing regrettable sentiments and still not getting messages across.
- Lack of Repair– Inability to address issues from the past so that individuals can move forward together in growth and healing.
- Growing Apart– A lack of connection or spark in a relationship after time and not knowing how to reignite the passion.
The interventions below will help address these common relationship issues.
What Are The Best Therapy Interventions for Relationship Issues?
Relationship problems are complex. The techniques below involve hard work in therapy including individual or couples counseling.
While you may wonder is therapy worth it, working with trained mental health professionals can help support and guide you toward healing that will last.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is the gold-standard model of evidence based couples therapy in the field. Rather than taking a solution-first approach which can lead to greater instances of relapse, EFT first focuses on identifying root cause and patterns.
An EFT therapist works with couples to identify each partner’s triggers and ways of dealing with stress. They then help you understand how your stress response behaviors impact your partner, and vice versa. For example, they can help you figure out what to do when your partner shuts down. When these patterns are identified and understood, clients can then practice new methods of communication that lead to greater connection and satisfaction of needs.
Building understanding of these patterns is complex and can bring up difficult emotions along the way. However, the process also leads to a deeper understanding of both yourself and the other person which will make you feel more connected. Plus, miscommunications are much less frequent and you’ll be better equipped to resolve conflicts that do occur.
You can attend EFT with a romantic partner (EFCT), partner family member (EFFT), or even on your own (EFIT).
Attachment Style Assessment
Attachment styles are patterns of behavior that people rely on when they are under stress. Most typically, people either hyper-activate or de-activate in the face of stress. This concept is similar to the idea of fight or flight.
Surprisingly, the same fight or flight survival system is employed in the face of relationship stress. And often in relationships, partners have opposite styles or ways of dealing with stress. This contrast can result in greater miscommunication and misattribution of intent if not understood.
Therapy models that include techniques that consider attachment style and history will help partners can greater clarity of one another and reduce instances of miscommunication.
Individual Therapy
While the best outcomes for relationship issues occur when all the relevant parties are in the room, this is not always possible for several reasons:
- Your romantic relationship or marriage is struggling but your partner refuses to attend counseling
- You struggle with your relationship with your parents or adult children, but do not feel comfortable asking for them to attend therapy with you because it has not been the culture of your family
- You notice that you have trouble connecting emotionally with others but do not currently have a romantic partner
- You are looking to heal from the impacts of a traumatic relationship with someone you do not wish to see again
Individual therapy for dating and relationships can support you in your relationships in several ways, even without processing with those others in sessions. An individual therapist can help you identify your own attachment history, heal and reprocess old wounds, identify and implement boundaries, and role play new communication patterns with key people in your life.
Online Relationship Therapy
Many couples therapists have moved to online, virtual platforms to offer therapy services. Online therapy can be a great option for many reasons:
- You have busy work schedules or travel frequently
- You live in a high-traffic area and prefer to reduce additional car and commuting times
- You have small children at home and cannot coordinate childcare each week
- You feel intimidated or uncomfortable with traditional therapy offices
- You value privacy and comforts in your own home
Online counseling services incorporate private, HIPAA-compliant video platforms where couples can speak with their therapist. For best results, partners will sit together and join from the same device. The therapist will then work to get to know the couple and provide the same interventions used in in-person therapy conveniently from the screen.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a model of counseling that involves practicing mindfulness, identification of values, and commitment to taking value-driven action.
Mindfulness practices help couples to regulate their own emotions which can help reduce damaging, reactive responses. Plus, exploring values together can align couples on the ways they would like to make decisions for their life together. Getting on the same page about values reduces conflict from potential miscommunication since couples will know that they have the same values and best-interest in mind.
Finally, couples can decide whether effective communication patterns serve as a shared value for them and commit to putting in the work to heal their dynamic.
Communication Practices
Communication skills and techniques can support couples in speaking in ways that will prevent further escalation, miscommunication, and conflict. Implementing good communication does not get to the root cause the way a model like Emotion Focused Therapy will. Still, the practices are still crucial in preventing further damage to relationships and supporting the health of a relationship over time.
Couples therapy exercises such as active listening, positive requests, and “I statements” will improve communication. As communication improves, all parties are more likely to feel heard and to have their needs met.
Repair
Often, relationships struggle and suffer when there has been hurt from the past that goes unaddressed. A model of relationship therapy that incorporates repair practices will help you to understand one another.
Repair techniques can be difficult as you revisit the pain from past memories or traumas in your relationship. However, the goal is for members to experience the emotions together so that you do not have to be alone in pain. These experiences, though emotionally demanding, can be deeply connecting and healing.
Pre-Marital Therapy
You may wonder if it’s a bad sign to seek couples therapy before marriage. The reality is that it takes work and intention to set the foundation for a healthy relationship- it’s not magic!
Pre-marital counseling or preventative therapy can help couples to address relationship stress before it becomes overwhelming, defeating, and helpless. Working on relationships in this stage helps to build a stronger relationship from the start. Plus, it makes therapy work a lot faster and can prevent ineffective patterns that could turn to bigger hurts or betrayal down the road.
Related: How Long Does the Honeymoon Phase Last In A Relationship?
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