Core values are the beliefs and guiding principles that we live our lives by. Defining these values is important because they serve as a roadmap for decision making in life and relationships.
If we have not defined what’s important to us and how we want to live, it’s hard to evaluate whether our choices and our relationships are in alignment.
In this post, I’m going to cover what core values are and provide some practical tools to help you define and clarify your own.
Core Values and Relationships- An Important Tool in Mental Health
Core Values Definition
As opposed to goals, which are behavior-oriented, achievable tasks, personal core values are concepts and principles that we orient our lives around. Think about concepts like respect, integrity, loyalty, and trust. Rather than the ‘what’, they describe ‘how’ we want to be in the world.
Having defined values is a key component of secure attachment and effective interdependence in relationships. Independent core values as well as core values in a relationship impact the level of functioning for both partners.
Rather than absorbing the emotions or behaviors of those around you, your own values guide your own individual needs based on your belief system.
Aspects of Core Values
Values are the way we, in our deepest sense of Self, want to treat ourselves, others around us, and the world we live in. They can serve as an inner compass in that they help us stay on track in a few key ways:
- Guide ongoing action- how we want to behave generally, on an ongoing basis (versus in the short-term or goal-based thinking).
- Define qualities of behavior- rather than focusing on behaviors themselves, values focus on the quality (I.e. the ‘how’) of behavior. For example, perhaps you value loyalty in relationships. Loyalty serves as a quality- there are many ways that you can demonstrate this value in relationships.
- Motivation- values reflect ways that you want to be in the world. They are not about what is “right” or what you “should” do. They motivate you to take action without self-imposed judgement. These are the principles that make you feel alive and yourself!
Why Are Values Important?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is model of mental health treatment that focuses on creating flexibility in the mind and committing to take value-driven action. Yet, if you are unclear on your own values, it’s impossible to determine if important decisions, like in a partner or a job, are aligned with you.
First, you must explore internally, orient to yourself, and discover what’s important. Then, once you have values defined, you have a baseline from which to measure if your choices are serving you or if they are taking you further away from the life you wish to live.
When you know your own values and what’s important to you, you become the active participant in your life. Rather than waiting around for opportunities or people that come your way, you are empowered to seek those experiences out for yourself, knowing exactly what it is that you’re looking for.
Core Values Exercise
Values can shift over time. One of the reasons intentionally defining values as an adult is so important is because we often have unconscious, out-of-date belief systems that unknowingly guide our decision making.
Sometimes, we inherit values from culture or early family lessons that are no longer useful. Yet, we operate on autopilot, not even realizing the impact of these absorbed belief systems on our present-day choices and relationships.
For example, you may have learned that keeping the peace was an important core value that drove behavior in your family. However, as an adult, you notice that moving away from conflict and vulnerability is keeping you from fulfillment in your relationships.
Noticing that you were operating on a value that was never yours and intentionally choosing to replace it with one that is true to you is deeply empowering.
Techniques To Identify Core Values
Here are some helpful journal prompts to begin identifying your core value system.
- Imagine you are in the future, ten years ahead of the present day. You are looking back on your life. How would you complete these sentences? I spent to much time worrying about… I did not spend enough time doing things like…. If I could go back, what I’d change is…..
- As a child, what sort of life did you dream and imagine for your future?
- What core values did you see modeled in your family by your caregivers?
- In choosing past partners, my choices have showed me that I value……
- Which values continue to be important to me?
- Which core values am I not willing to compromise?
- Bring yourself back to a painful moment in your life. What does your experience in this pain show you about what matters to you or that you care about?
- What do you fear most in life? What do these worries show you that you care about?
For deeper and focused exploration of your values and belief system, consider working with a relational or anxiety therapist. A mental health professional will be able to guide you in the internal exploration process.
Core Values Examples
Here is a list of core values to get you started in your own exploration. Notice which words resonate with or jump out at you as you read through the list.
Remember that living out your values is a daily practice and you can always revisit this list. Once you begin embodying these concepts in yourself, you will align with and attract others who share and embody them too.
- Abundance
- Awareness
- Closeness
- Freedom
- Hope
- Presence
- Safety
- Acceptance
- Balance
- Collaboration
- Friendship
- Humility
- Punctuality
- Security
- Accountability
- Beauty
- Commitment
- Fun
- Humor
- Purpose
- Self-acceptance
- Acknowledgment
- Belonging
- Community
- Generosity
- Inclusion
- Quality Time
- Self-awareness
- Adventure
- Candor
- Companionship
- Gratitude
- Independence
- Recognition
- Self-expression
- Affection
- Challenge
- Connection
- Growth
- Innovation
- Reliability
- Self-respect
- Appreciation
- Change
- Contribution
- Harmony
- Inspiration
- Religion and Faith
- Sensitivity
- Authenticity
- Choice
- Creativity
- Health
- Integrity
- Respect
- Sensuality
- Autonomy
- Cleanliness
- Family
- Honesty
- Optimism
- Risk taking
- Spirituality
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