The dating landscape can be confusing to navigate. Add in the quirks that come with the modern world (dating apps, ghosting, situation-ships) and you might be down-right intimidated.
The early phases of a relationship are a wonderful opportunity to start to let your prospects show you who they are.
Today, I’m going to walk you through my dating red flags checklist so that you can walk into your next relationship with your eyes wide open.
What are Dating Red Flags?
A red flag is exactly what it sounds like- a warning signal. These behaviors can serve as signs or predictors of potentially unhealthy behavior later in a relationship.
Red flags are not always easy to spot. And while hindsight may be 20/20, predicting how early behaviors will translate to later dysfunction can be tricky.
Working with a therapist focused on relationship counseling can help you talk through what you are seeing and feeling through the early phases of a relationship.
Dating Red Flags Checklist
Interpreting behaviors requires some nuance. It also requires an understanding of how those behaviors are making you feel while you are interacting with a new partner.
Generally speaking, here is a dating red flags checklist for relationship red flags. These are some warning signs to be aware of as you navigate the dating scene.
Coming on way too Strong
‘Love-bombing.’ Coming in hot with over-the-top displays of affection. Saying that they love you before you feel like they really know you. This could include hyper-focus on you- texting, calling, sending gifts, and being excessively involved in your life.
While this kind of behavior might make you feel special at the beginning, be mindful about what’s happening. Try to move at a pace you are comfortable with. There is never a reason to rush physical or emotional intimacy beyond your level of comfort.
These behaviors can end up being one of the biggest red flags in a guy or woman, often translating to manipulation later in the relationship.
they need constant reassurance
We all need reassurance. We want to feel connected to the people that matter to us and safe in our relationships.
However, we are also all responsible for regulating our own anxieties and fears. If they are constantly asking you for reassurance about every part of them, every decision, or your level of interest in them, they may be showing you that they have a low tolerance to handle their emotions. They may be relying on you to heal anxious attachment style without putting in the work to heal themself.
Excessively checking in on you when you’ve agreed to take a night apart or keeping track of your every move through location sharing might be signs that they require too much reassurance from you.
Jealousy
Jealousy can also make us feel special, important, and wanted. However, jealousy can turn toxic if there are fear and anxieties and a lack of trust and security.
Jealous behaviors can include:
- Not wanting you to spend time with friends or family
- Becoming angry or irritated if you talk to someone in public
- Over or under interest in your past and parts of your life that don’t include them
When jealousy persists, it can turn into attempts to control the other person.
lack of long-term relationships
If you want to be in a relationship with someone, it’s important to consider how they are in relationships with other people. This is an indicator of how they will be in a relationship with you.
How do they talk about their exes? Were the endings of previous relationships always someone else’s fault?
Have they been able to maintain long-term relationships with friends? Do they display red flags in friendships? How do they treat their family members? Are they able to get along with people at work?
Before getting wrapped up in your own relationship with them, make sure they’ve demonstrated emotional abilities to respect others in a long-term situation and don’t only have toxic relationships in their past.
disrespect for your boundaries
This is a deal breaker- even a situationship red flag. Getting to know a new person, and letting them get to know you, can be a vulnerable experience. It’s crucial that your boundaries for dating and the speed of moving in the relationship are respected.
Examples of healthy boundaries in a relationship could include physical touch, sexual intimacy, emotional disclosures, and the amount of time you choose to spend together.
Having the boundaries that you need to take care of yourself will ultimately allow you to show up well for a partner (why self-love will improve your relationships). You need a partner that will respect your boundaries and your needs.
dishonesty
It’s usually the easiest to be honest with people at the beginning of a relationship. Once you’ve been together, starting intertwining lives and social circles, the stakes for things going wrong could be higher. Fear of losing a partner if they know the truth is often the reason for lying.
If someone is not honest with you early on, it’s hard to imagine them being honest with you down the line.
making fun of you
Some teasing might feel flirty or within your boundaries. If that’s the case, the teasing should feel safe and comfortable.
However, someone making fun of you early on is a red flag. If they poke fun at your life, your choices, your interests, or your friends, they are showing that they do not respect you. A partner should especially not go for place that are raw or sensitive for you or use vulnerable things you’ve shared with them against you.
mixed messages
Mixed messages are a sign of poor communication skills. You deserve to know where things stand, even in the early days of a relationship. If you feel like they are showing interest but only leading you on (online dating red flags), this could be a sign of a greater commitment issue.
Plus, if you are having trouble getting clear communication in the early days, before stress or pressure have been introduced to your dynamic, imagine how difficult it will be when those things are present.
Treats others without respect
Pay attention to how they treat others. When you go out to eat, are they kind to the servers? How do they handle getting cut off in traffic? Do they talk down to people who work for them?
The way that a person regards others reveals their character and how they may treat you if you begin a relationship and (inevitably) face future conflict. Being able to treat people with respect through frustration is crucial for a healthy relationship.
excessive substance use
Research studies have linked gender-based violence to over-use of alcohol.
I’m not saying that any alcohol use is off-limits. However, if someone seems like they do not have control over their usage, they are showing you that they 1) cannot tolerate their emotions and 2) they do not have control over their emotional responses.
See if you enjoy someone while you’re sober! This way you’ll know that you genuinely enjoy them without having to add alcohol into the mix.
Closed-minded
Having opinions is fair. However, if someone is unwilling to hear your perspective or experiences, to take in new information and incorporate that into their view, it could be a red flag.
Long-term relationships are constantly changing and growing over time, and they require a lot of give and take. As you change as individuals, your partner has to be able to grow their understanding of you and adjust your needs change.
Relationships inevitably involve conflict. You need a partner who is willing to be open-minded, hear you out, and come to compromises with you.
Everything Is On Their Terms
If everything happens on their terms, that’s a red flag. They choose the plans. They steer the conversations. They expect you to adapt.
And when you talk about yourself, they don’t ask follow-up questions—or worse, they don’t seem to care. This shows a lack of curiosity and emotional reciprocity.
Early dating should feel mutual and free-flowing, not one-sided. You deserve someone who wants to know you, not just someone who wants you around. Pay attention if it feels like you’re entering their life instead of building something new together.
They Avoid Serious Conversations
It’s totally normal for the early stages of dating to be lighthearted and fun—you don’t need to dive into serious topics right away.
But if you find that every time you try to bring up something real, share a personal story, or express a need, the other person dodges it with a joke or changes the subject, that’s worth paying attention to.
While you can learn tips for how to date an avoidant attachment style, emotional avoidance early on can be a sign of deeper relational patterns that will require that person’s that person’s willingness to reflect, grow, and show up differently in order to build a healthy connection.
You don’t feel comfortable Talking to them
More important than following any one list is learning to listen to your own intuition and responses when you are with someone new.
Do you feel calm and excited? Or nervous and anxious? Does enjoying your time together feel natural, or are you constantly trying to perform and please? Sometimes we know in our gut that something isn’t quite right, yet we keep moving forward anyway.
Trusting your gut is center to most experiences in life, and dating is no exception.
You Feel Like You Have To Perform
If you feel like you have to perform to keep their attention, pay attention. Maybe you’re always trying to be fun, easygoing, or impressive. You hide the parts of yourself that feel messy or complicated.
At first, this might seem normal. It’s common to want to put your best foot forward. But over time, it gets exhausting. You don’t feel fully seen, and you can’t fully relax. Plus, the other person does not truly get to know you.
A real connection makes room for your full self, not just the version that keeps things light. If you’re constantly performing, it’s time to pause and ask why.
Relationship Green And Yellow Flags
While you are mindful of the red flags, look for dating green flags too! Green flags are signs of emotional health and relational readiness.
Here are some relationship green flags:
- They’re consistent with communication and follow through on what they say
- They’re curious about you and ask thoughtful questions, seeing your value
- They respect your boundaries without getting defensive
- They take accountability when they mess up, even in small ways
- You feel emotionally safe, not like you have to earn their attention
Not every uncomfortable moment in early dating is a dealbreaker. Yellow flags, on the other hand, aren’t immediate red lights. Instead, they are signals to slow down, stay curious, and notice how things unfold. Many yellow flags can be worked through, especially if both people are open and self-aware.
Here are some relationship yellow flags:
- They’re emotionally guarded but willing to open up slowly over time
- They’ve had relationship struggles but show insight and growth
- They don’t always know how to respond to your feelings but are trying to learn
- They’re not clear yet on what they want, but they’re honest about it
- You feel some anxiety around them, but you can talk about it and feel heard
Listen to yourself and any gut feelings you have. You are the one who knows what is best and most healthy for you.
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