Without a doubt, breakups are one of the most painful experiences we go through as humans — and many of us are lost in knowing how to deal with breakup pain.
Whether you saw it coming or it blindsided you, whether the choice was yours or theirs, and whether the relationship was healthy or dysfunctional, disconnecting from someone you loved can be a deeply painful experience.
How to Deal With Breakup Pain
In the midst of the emotions you will experience in the aftermath, it is important to remember to give yourself time and space as you navigate how to deal with breakup pain. Healing is a process with many ups and downs along the way.
In this post, I’m going to share practical tips to deal with the pain of a breakup to heal for the next chapter of your life.
Remember, this process is not linear and takes time. So, work through all of these areas at your own pace, in an order that works for you.
How To Deal With A Painful Breakup
Grieve the Relationship
Coping with a breakup is painful for many reasons. You are losing the person that you once shared everything with. You also lose a vision for your shared future and all it held. It’s normal to feel sad.
As you navigate how to deal with breakup pain, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions- sadness, anger, confusion, and maybe even relief. Give yourself time to heal and to allow all these emotions to come up.
Listen to music that resonates with what you are going through. Grab a pen to journal and name feelings about what comes up as you reflect on the relationship. Take some space for yourself to really experience the complex emotions as they come up.
This part of the process cannot be skipped. You can be proactive and do it now, or you can watch the way unprocessed emotions manifest in unwanted ways in your next relationship.
Take Care of You (Mind, Body + Spirit)
When you breakup with a partner, you are once again left with yourself. The breakup may have taken a toll on your thoughts, your energy levels in your body, and your connection to your own spirit.
A breakup can present an opportunity to refocus on caring for yourself. Do this in ways that work for you.
Move your body, spend time outside, get enough sleep, drink a lot of water. Practice emotional grounding techniques. Spend some money on yourself that you wouldn’t normally- get a massage, sign up for a yoga class- get out of your day to day in ways that you care for you.
Lean on Your Support System
Dealing with breakups can be challenging because of the isolation factor: your go-to person to share work updates, family conflict, or inside jokes is all of the sudden a person that you need to develop new boundaries with.
Surround yourself with friends or family members who know you and care about you. Share with them about your life, and allow them to offer you support and reassurance that you are not alone.
This is a perfect time to reconnect with old family and friends or find new ones- get yourself out there in new ways. There are tons of amazing, supportive people in our world that you haven’t even met yet, and who could be a part of your next chapter.
Resist Communication With Your Ex
This usually means limiting or discontinuing communication with this person. Talking to your ex and leaning on them for emotional support will be very confusing for you in the long run.
A breakup is also an opportunity to heal your heart for yourself. This means looking inward and doing the hard work. If you keep leaning on your ex, you might be avoiding dealing with the pain, and this avoidance will only hurt you and your future relationships in the long run.
In the same way, you don’t want your partner to be leaning on you for emotional support during this time. You may still love them, and it may feel hard to not be there for them during this grief period. However, the more loving action is to hold the boundary, because if you try and support them, you are preventing them from grieving and letting go of you, too.
Take A Social Media Cleanse
It’s incredibly tempting to check up on your ex or scroll through highlight reels when you’re hurting. But this often reopens wounds, leaves you feeling worse, and accomplishes nothing.
Consider taking a break from social media altogether, or at least muting or unfollowing accounts that stir up comparison, longing, or self-doubt. A short digital detox can give your nervous system space to recalibrate and help you stay present in your own healing process.
Attend Therapy
After a break up, you have to learn how to live without a person you shared your heart, your body, and your life with. You have to create new rituals. You have to get comfortable being in your own company again. And you have to detach from someone you loved.
A dating and relationship therapist can make sure you are caring for your mental health and help you:
Reflect On The Relationship
Breakups invite a chance for real and honest reflection. Were you holding onto a version of the relationship you hoped would change? A role you played that left parts of you behind?
Try journaling about what parts of yourself felt most alive, and which ones felt silenced. This can help you clarify what you want to nurture in your next chapter. Consider what you learned that you’d like to carry with you and what you are ready to leave behind.
Create Self-Care Rituals
Self love will improve your relationships– with yourself and with your future partner. In the wake of a breakup, you might feel like you’re just trying to survive the day. But small, intentional self-care rituals—like morning walks, journaling, or Sunday night baths—can become reliably anchoring and comforting.
The beauty of these rituals is that they aren’t just about recovery in the short term. Instead, they’re about building habits that support you long after this pain has softened so that you remember not to lose yourself in someone else when you do date again.
Find Community In Books
Here are some books I recommend for people navigating how to deal with breakup pain:
- Everything I Know About Love – Dolly Alderton
- Wherever You Go, There You Are – Jon Kabat-Zinn
- Maybe You Should Talk To Someone – Lori Gottlieb
- Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse
- Tiny Beautiful Things– Cheryl Strayed
Rediscover YOU + Embrace Possibility
As you get through the pain of the relationship, you will slowly start to see this breakup as an opportunity for self discovery. Reconnect with activities, interests, and passions that you love to give your time that may have taken a backseat during your relationship.
Explore new hobbies, and set new goals for yourself. Figure out what makes you feel happy, alive, and fulfilled, and follow those things.
It can be impossible to remember when you are in the thick of a breakup, but you will survive this journey. Your life will move forward in new ways you could have never imagined. Keep your heart and mind open to new opportunities, people, and changes.
Allow the end of this chapter to be the start of a new one. You are going to be okay 🤍.
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