Ending a relationship often stirs up complicated and deeply painful feelings. Even when you know the breakup is the right choice and the relationship was not right for you, the pain is still very real.
Getting over an ex can feel like one of the most challenging parts of healing because your mind and body still remember and long for the connection you built and grieve for the future you thought you would share together.
Although this process can feel overwhelming, it is possible to move forward with clarity and confidence, with time, space, and a mindset that lets you feel your feelings. In this post, I share a guide on how to get over an ex so you can understand what keeps you stuck and discover practical ways to move forward into the next phase of your life.
If you want additional support for the emotional components of a breakup, you can also read my post on how to deal with breakup pain, which dives into immediate emotional grounding.
How to Get Over An Ex
Moving on after a relationship ends is rarely straightforward. Your ex was likely the person you went to for many of your needs: a shoulder to lean on, a laugh to share, or physical intimacy to help you feel connected.
Many people feel confused about why their minds replay memories or why they keep checking social media even when they want to move forward.
This post helps you understand the deeper reasons behind these reactions so you can begin to shift them as you are ready.
We’ll discuss why it is hard to get over an ex, what amount of time healing usually takes, and which steps create long lasting change.
Why Is It Hard To Get Over An Ex?
During the post breakup adjustment, many people notice that their emotions feel unpredictable and harder to manage.
Attachment Styles
Your attachment style influences how you connect with others and how you handle the pain of separation. When the relationship ends, the part of you shaped by early experiences becomes activated.
During the breakup period, some people seek closeness and reassurance, while others pull away. These internal tendencies can make the breakup period feel prolonged and confusing, because we are often avoiding simply letting ourselves feel the pain.
You may cling to memories or avoid your feelings altogether. Both responses come from a place inside you trying to protect you from hurt.
Remembering the Good Times
The mind often highlights the good times and minimizes the painful moments when you look back at a breakup, reminding you of all that you are losing.
There is even a 2007 study suggesting that people tend to romanticize past relationships when they feel lonely or uncertain. These patterns can be driven by parts of you who are afraid of being alone, therefore remind you of the loss as an attempt to re-establish “safety” in connection with a partner.
When that happens, you may hold on to an idealized version of your ex rather than the reality of the relationship. You may find yourself only remembering the sweet moments while overlooking the parts of the relationship that were painful or unsustainable.
Nervous System Needs Healing
In addition to feeling bonded to a partner, relationships shape your physical and emotional rhythms. We get used to co-regulating through a partner. For example, your partner may have been the one you called for reassurance after a stressful work day.
When the relationship ends, your body still expects the familiar connection. You might notice cravings for comfort or moments of panic when you remember the loss.
These reactions are not signs of weakness. They simply show how deeply bonding patterns become wired into your nervous system, and your nervous system needs time to readjust to new ways of coping.
Social Media Keeps the Wound Open
Break ups in the modern world can be even more difficult as we continue being exposed to the online version of an ex-partner.
Checking updates or scrolling through old posts keeps your brain tied to your ex rather than using emotional resources to heal and move forward.
Social media can reinforce longing because you receive small emotional hits that mirror closeness without real connection. These boundaries help you break free from habits that keep you emotionally tied to your ex.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Ex?
There is no magic number for how long breakup recovery takes. Healing varies based on how willing you are to feel and talk about your feelings, the depth of the relationship, your internal support system, and the coping mechanisms you rely on.
Some people begin to feel lighter after a few weeks, while others need several months. The amount of time you need does not reflect your strength and does not mean anything about you. Instead, it reflects the layers of meaning the relationship held.
Generally, the breakup period unfolds in waves. The first stretch feels raw because your mind and body adjust to the loss and the separation can feel physical.
Over time, your system gradually settles to being apart from your ex, and you begin to experience more space between emotional spikes.
Many people notice improvement around the three month mark. Others need longer, especially if the relationship touched old wounds or activated long standing fears (read more about that below). What matters most is not rushing yourself. Healing happens when your body is ready.
How Do You Get Over An Ex?
Getting over an ex is painful and takes time. In some ways, it can feel like death. You grieve the partner you once had and your visions for the future.
Here are some tips to support you in healing and moving forward.
Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings
Feeling your emotions helps your internal system integrate the loss. Instead of avoiding and pushing sadness or anger away, give yourself space to notice what shows up.
Ironically, the more you feel your feelings, the faster they are processed and released. When you allow your feelings to move through you, your body begins to settle and your thoughts become clearer.
Limit Social Media
Reducing contact with your ex on social media helps your mind shift from craving connection and check-in’s to building new routines.
Consider muting or temporarily unfollowing them to create more space to focus on your own healing and next chapter. This step protects your nervous system from constant reminders that may hold you back.
Care For Yourself
After a breakup, different parts of you may feel abandoned, ashamed, or worried. These inner experiences often can tempt you to reconnect with your ex.
Remember that you do not need to react immediately to every feeling you have. Instead, simply notice the pain and the urge to reach out.
When you acknowledge those parts, they soften. Spend time journaling or reflecting on what each part fears. This gentle attention helps you meet your needs without turning toward the relationship again.
Build New Routines
Creating new habits helps your mind adjust to change. Try adding small daily practices such as a morning walk, a new class, or more consistent meals.
These routines support your nervous system and give you structure. Over time, the predictability reduces emotional spikes and creates a sense of grounding.
Remember Why It Ended
When your mind drifts toward longing, idealizing, or romanticizing, bring yourself back to the full picture. The good times mattered, and you do not have to get rid of those memories. Yet, they were not the whole story.
Recalling the reasons the relationship ended helps you ground yourself and release unrealistic expectations for what could have been.
Lean On Support
Talking to trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group helps you process the breakup in a grounded way. When you share your feelings, your nervous system feels less alone.
This connection speeds healing because your body senses safety through support. While we all need alone with with certain emotions, building and nourishing a support network is one of the most important steps in any healing journey.
Attend Therapy
If you continue to struggle, attending therapy with a relationship counselor can help you understand why letting go feels so difficult. A therapist can support you in exploring whether this experience is touching an older wound and guide you toward healing patterns that keep you stuck.
For example, you might notice that the pain of this breakup feels bigger than the relationship itself. In therapy, you may discover that the loss stirred up an old feeling of being left out or unseen from childhood. When that deeper wound softens through work in therapy, the intensity of missing your ex also begins to ease.
Comments +