Polyvagal Theory- How To Unlock Emotional Balance

In our fast-paced world, stress and emotional dysregulation are common. But our bodies carry ancient, evolutionary wisdom designed to detect harm and keep us safe.

Understanding the body’s internal mechanisms can offer pathways to reduce stress responses and anxiety and increase well-being. One such mechanism involves the vagus nerve and the concept of polyvagal theory.

Polyvagal Theory

Dr. Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory. It explains how the human nervous system reacts to threat- even in social settings.

Old theories viewed the nervous system as binary: on or off. But Dr. Porges saw that stress responses are more complex than that.

Instead, he developed a three part hierarchy of the stress response system:

Ventral Vagal Social Engagement– state of safety where we can feel open and curious and relate to others
Sympathetic Activation– defensive state of fight or flight where the body mobilizes to deal with threat (e.g., stress hormones, increased tension and heart rate)
Dorsal Vagal Shutdown/ Freeze– nervous system shuts down when we cannot protect against threat (e.g., curl in ball, difficulty thinking, feeling numb or dizzy)

Here’s an example. Marie arrives at a gathering feeling relaxed. She smiles, makes eye contact, and chats easily. She’s in Ventral Vagal Social Engagement.

Then someone mentions a recent work conflict. Her body tenses. Her heart rate climbs. She feels defensive. Her system shifts to Sympathetic Activation.

Soon, overwhelmed and unsure how to respond, Marie shuts down. She goes quiet, stares at the floor, and feels numb. Now she’s in Dorsal Vagal Shutdown.

Alongside the current situation, your nervous system also reacts to past experiences. This built-in hierarchy helps your body adapt to different levels of threat.

The Vagus Nerve

A tiny bit of anatomy: the vagus nerve originates in your brainstem (your tenth cranial nerve) and extends down through your neck and into your chest and abdomen- which is why some people refer to the “gut” as the second brain. The nerve also branches out to multiple organs, including your heart, lungs, liver, spleen, stomach, intestines, and kidneys to regulate involuntary body processes like breathing, digestion, and pumping blood.

The vagus nerve drives your body’s rest-and-digest response (the parasympathetic nervous system), counteracting the fight-or-flight state (the sympathetic nervous system).

(Both are part of the autonomic nervous system, or ANS. This system automatically manages vital functions like breathing, heart rate, and digestion- without you needing to think about them.)

The vagus nerve has two branches:

Ventral – Like gently pumping the brakes
Dorsal – Like slamming the emergency brake

When it’s working well, you feel calm, connected, and emotionally resilient. But chronic stress or trauma can disrupt its function, leading to anxiety, depression, and dysregulation.

Your nervous system uses neuroception to scan for safety or danger, through the vagus nerve, before your thinking brain even gets involved. That’s why you might feel uneasy without knowing why. Your body picked up cues your brain didn’t.

This detection process is essential. It helps you respond to threat and know when you can finally relax.

Co-Regulation in Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal theory teaches us that co-regulation is essential to feeling safe in relationships. In fact, we detect safety and danger cues through our interactions with others.

The ANS doesn’t operate alone. Instead, nervous systems connect. They send and receive signals that influence one another. Nervous systems support and alert each other through sending and receiving signals for safety.

When you feel safe with someone, your body (i.e., your nervous system) actually syncs with theirs- your heart rate, breath, and tension levels adjust. This process starts as early as we are alive. Even in the womb, a baby hears and regulates from their mother’s voice.

Then, through infancy and childhood, we learn to seek co-regulation from caregivers to soothe distress. That’s part of building attachment security.

Further, even after we’ve learned to self-regulate, our bodies still seek connection. We long for safety, calm, and closeness.

If you didn’t have consistent co-regulation growing up, your nervous system may develop faulty neuroception, misreading safety as danger. This can trap you in fight-or-flight patterns, which show up in insecure attachment styles in adult relationships.

The bottom line: we need safe relationships- even if that means a safe therapeutic relationship- to reach a ventral vagal state.

Emotionally Focused Therapy builds on this understanding of the nervous system. It helps couples recognize how their patterns are shaped by threat responses (i.e., attachment styles) and guides them to move toward connection and co-regulation.

Through structured, emotionally attuned conversations, couples learn to turn toward each other as a source of safety and calm. Over time, they become better able to resource each other during moments of stress, creating a more secure bond.

Activating The Vagus Nerve for Emotional Well-Being

You can strengthen your vagus nerve like a muscle. This boosts your vagal tone, helping you recover from stress faster and return to calm more easily.

Here are several proven ways to stimulate the vagus nerve. In addition to the polyvagal theory exercises below, this book is jam-packed with more tips!

Deep, Slow Breathing

Breathing your from diaphragm stimulates the nerve; try box breathing or holding the exhale.

Gargling

The vagus nerve is connected to muscles in back of throat and can be stimulated by gargling.

Meditation and Mindfulness

Encourages present-moment awareness and practicing expanding on micro moments of peace or joy.

Cold Exposure

Brief cold showers or splashing cold water on the face can stimulate vagal activity and dampen the fight or flight response.

Singing or Humming

Engages the muscles connected to the vagus nerve (vocal chords and inner ear) enhancing its tone.

Physical Exercise

Regular movement supports vagal tone, gut flow and emotional balance.

Laughter

Induces diaphragmatic breathing which activates the vagus nerve.

Connection With Others

Connection with others you love is the path to co-regulation. Our nervous system can be soothed by picking up cues of safety and regulation from others.