As Esther Perel famously declared, “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.” In fact, as some of our most key relationships, friendships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. They offer us a safe haven to be ourselves and meet basic human needs of belonging, joy, and connection.
Having a reliable network of friends can stabilize physical, mental, and emotional health. Friends are often the first resource we turn to in times of need. They offer support, comfort, and understanding when we face life’s challenges from loss and illness to various relationship challenges.
Yet, many adults experience friendship anxiety at some point. You may be feeling friendship anxiety if you relate to overthinking a conversation, wondering if you said the wrong thing, or feeling anxious when a friend doesn’t reply right away.
Here at Danielle Sethi Therapy, we are focused on supporting you through the highs and lows of relationship dynamics. So today, we’re going to share more about what friendship anxiety is and how to overcome it.
What Is Friendship Anxiety?
Friendship anxiety is a type of anxiety that refers to worries that can creep up in friendships. Those anxieties can include feeling overwhelmed or worried that you are not truly liked, that you are not part of the group, or that friends must be mad at you- even if there’s no evidence.
The feelings and physical sensations may be similar to social anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder (e.g., rapid heartbeat, knots in the stomach, heaviness in the chest, etc.).
Anxiety in friendships can show up in feeling like you have to earn your spot in a group or over-analyzing communications or intent.
For many of us, these fears come from past experiences. We may have experienced times when connection felt uncertain, love felt conditional, or being authentic did not feel safe. Even in close and secure friendships, these old memories and emotions can surface, leading to doubt.
These fears and anxieties about belonging, inclusion, trust, and love can lead to feeling emotional stress. They can also lead to questioning our own thoughts and beliefs, creating doubt in ourselves and one another.
What Are The Signs Of Friendship Anxiety
The behavioral tendencies that manifest when one experiences friendship anxiety can look different for everyone. Many of us experience friendship anxiety at one point or another as relationships change through different chapters of life.
Here are common signs of friendship anxiety:
- Overanalyzing texts and interactions, wondering if you said something wrong
- Feeling like you care more or put in more effort than your friends do
- Worrying you’re “too much” or that people secretly don’t like you
- Assuming silence or distance means someone is upset with you
- Struggling to ask for help or express needs for fear of burdening others
- Pulling away from friends to protect yourself from possible rejection
- Discomfort or hyper-vigilance in social situations
- Anxiously checking for activity on social media rather than communicating directly
If any of these sound familiar, know that you’re not alone in experiencing friendship anxiety. Many people feel anxious when it comes to uncertainty, even in platonic relationships.
The good news? These patterns can be understood and shifted.
How To Deal With Friendship Anxiety
Here are relational-therapy based tips to manage friendship anxiety.
Connect With Your Emotions
The most important foundation in dealing with any difficult emotions is learning to not react mindlessly to your emotions. Rather than approaching others immediately when we feel uncomfortable, we should first slow down, practice mindfulness, and process our own emotions.
Friendship anxiety often originates from deeper emotions we haven’t fully uncovered. Take time to notice what’s coming up—fear, insecurity, or past hurt- first.
Learn About Your Attachment Style
Attachment styles are the strategies we use when we feel a threat to our sense of connection with the people we love. Understanding your patterns—whether you seek reassurance, avoid closeness (to avoid rejection), or fear being a burden—can help you navigate friendships with more clarity.
When anxiety hits, we can then pause and ask: Is this about the present moment, or is an old fear being triggered? Sometimes, our nervous system reacts based on past experiences (I.e., our attachment history) rather than what’s actually happening now.
Modify Your Thoughts
If a friend is quiet or takes a while to respond, what meaning are you attaching to it? Instead of assuming the worst, consider neutral or positive possibilities—they may just be busy!
Your mind may jump to worst-case scenarios, but not every delayed response or change in plans means something is wrong. Challenge anxious thoughts by asking: What else could be true?
Communication Over Assumption
Instead of assuming a friend is upset or pulling away, try checking in. Communication is the key to healthy relationships.
A simple, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a little off—are we good? Is there anything you want to talk about?” can clear up misunderstandings before they grow. Communicate openly and honestly, without accusations, when you have grounded yourself and can speak from a place of centeredness.
Observe Your Expectations
Are you holding yourself or your friends to unrealistic standards? Friendships ebb and flow with other changes and seasons of life. No one- even good friends- can show up perfectly all of the time.
Plus, no one person can fulfill all of our needs. Notice where expectations of friendships might be adding undue pressure.
Remember Your Worth
Sometimes when we do not believe our own worth, we misinterpret small blips in communication that don’t actually mean anything.
Remember that you don’t have to prove your value or “earn” your spot in a friendship by what you do. True friendship isn’t about being perfect—it’s about connection, trust, and being accepted for who you are.
Education Through Books
Reading books can help with friendship anxiety by offering insights into attachment, communication, and self-worth. This knowledge can help you recognize and shift unhelpful patterns.
They also provide reassurance that you’re not alone, giving practical tools to build more secure and fulfilling connections. Some of my favorite books about friendship are You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women’s Friendships and Text Me When You Get Home.
Seek Support
If friendship anxiety feels overwhelming or embarrassing to talk about, a trusted person can help you work through fears and feel more secure in your connections.
There are many types of relationship therapy, including anxiety and relational therapy, that offer support in navigating dynamics. An anxiety therapist or a therapy support group can help you learn about yourself and boost your confidence in these areas.
And if you’re wondering is therapy worth it, know that mental health professionals can be incredibly valuable for friendship anxiety, helping you understand your patterns, build self-trust, and develop healthier, more secure connections.
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